I had a “cheeseborer” for lunch. I called it that because it bored right through me. It was like a cheese and beef flash flood. When I ate one, I made sure to sit by the restroom door.  Most people lead a pretty hum-drum existence. Seizing on the BM-Burger’s excellent flavor as an excuse, they…

It was the most beau beautif . . . Damn. I’m sorry. My feelings took over there for a couple of seconds. I’ll give it another try. It was the most beautiful Baga . . . Oh wait. I’m stuck again. This is really hard to do. Maybe if I start at the beginning. As…

There are a lot of different ideas that people have about everything—maybe more than similar ideas. The opposites of life are always inhabited by peoples’ points of view, no matter how much they may lie to “preserve the peace.” Peace vs. war. You would think, if they weren’t threatened, that war would be the last…

Time was running out. It was almost my birthday and I couldn’t face it it. I was old: I was getting deaf, my legs were wobbly, I had developed a double-vision malady and could no longer drive. I got up a half-dozen times at night to pee, my teeth were coming lose, I was chronically…

It was 1969 and I was goin’ to the go-go. I was drivin’ all the way to New York City from Beetroot, Iowa. I could’ve gone surfin’ USA, but I didn’t know how swim, and surfing required a degree of athleticism which I was lacking. I failed gym class in my senior year of high…

I couldn’t stand it any more. The more I invested myself in it, the worse it got. I wanted one thing, and one thing only: somebody to love and be loved by.  I met Felicia at the local bar. She was half drunk, sipping what looked like a whiskey sour. Well, actually, she was slurping…

Oly moly! That’s a Gray Wrinkle Beak! It is so rare that nobody has ever seen one—except for me. I’m taking pictures with my I-Phone. I will be on the news! Every birdwatcher in the world will envy me. I will be the talk of the town and A-Number One. I want to get a…

I didn’t know where I was going until I met you Eddy. Now I know I’m going to hell. I was good. You were bad. Now, we’re both bad. I feel like a duck out of water. A bird without wings. A dump truck that can’t dump. I don’t know if I can go back to being…